My baby Bribri

Instead of writing about today, I decided to write about my beautiful birthday girl, Brilyn. She turned 5 today. It is a happy sad. It means she is growing up, going to school and becoming less dependant on me. I love her so much. She makes me smile, laugh and want to eat her up. She has such a personality about her. With her cute little dimples and her beautiful curly hair, how could anyone not fall in love with her. I am sad she goes to school this year. I don't know what I am going to do without her. I love her cuddles, smile and expressive eyes. I love her kisses, hugs and I love yous. It makes me so sad for her to grow up because it means she is closer to leaving me. I am thankful Heavenly Father let me be her earthly mother. I feel more blessed than any other mother. She lights up my life. I hope and pray that I can be the person I need to be so she can be the person she is meant to be. Happy Birthday my sweet angel baby!!!! I love you more than words could ever define.

Starting to relax

Today was the first time in a while that I finally feel like I am not so anxious. Kelli and I went shopping this morning to get food for the week, the Memorial BBQ and Brilyn's birthday party. I didn't feel rushed, stressed or impatient. I made 5 loaves of bread, 30 cinnamon rolls and Brilyn's birthday cake. I ate tons of watermelon and sat and relaxed by the pool. I enjoyed watching my kids play, get along and have fun with each other. I held Maddie often and soaked up all the love she has to offer. I can't wait to snuggle up with her and watch Tangled as soon as I am done here. I love my children so much. I love and am so grateful for Steve and Kelli providing a roof over their heads. I am looking forward to new opportunities the Lord has in store for my family. I really hope Brilyn enjoys her birthday tomorrow. I am going to go Cuddle my sweet baby now.

Tired of being tired

The kids were up at five, had me awake by six and I was up at seven. I wasn't up because I wanted to be. I was up because there was no point in staying in bed if the kids weren't going to be any more quiet. When I got up, I felt as if I never went to sleep to begin with. Church was fine and all, but the tiredness is really getting to me. Came home from church and the tiredness seemed to be getting worse. I'm completely exhausted right now. The only reason why I am still up is because I told myself I would post every day. I am so tired I have a headache. I am thankful to Steve though for taking all the kids but Maddie, Kaitlynn and Kailey. It was a nice break/relaxer. Hopefully I can wake up headacheless, and not so tired.

The good and the sad

So today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I don't know if it is because of being overwhelmed, tired or too busy to be as sad as I thought it would be for me to leave. Maybe because I was rushed away so quickly by family, I didn't get a chance to slow down and feel sad. I may never know.
The things I will miss: my neighbors Brad and Kat, my big back yard, my entertainment center, the quiet neighborhood, QT and Walmart being so close, the kids having a good school so close and many more things I can't think of at the moment.
The things I am excited about: new adventures, new friends, new memories, new places to visit and many more things I can't think of at the moment.
I don't know if maybe when things calm down, I might be sad and cry or if it will be just memories that will make me happy and sad at the same time. I am glad we didn't prolong the move any longer over more than just today. I think maybe that helped too.
I guess from now on out for the next month we will have to see what tomorrow brings. May the Lord bless me with the patience I will need to prevent the anxiety I fear. I'm off to bed for my body is sore and my mind is fried.

Long and emotional

Today was a soda and candy bar type of day. I had forgotten to make the cheesecake for the strawberries I needed to make the night before, so I had to make the cheesecake so it would be set up when I needed it. We had to leave the house early to go to Walmart to get Skylar sharpies to fix the picture frames she made for her friends. Half way there she tells me she forgot the pictures for the frames at home. So I have to turn around and get the pictures, go to Walmart and make it to school before the bell. I then head to Fresh and Easy to get strawberries because Walmart won't add match them. They don't open until 8:00. Now I have to wait 15 minutes for them to open. I then came home to the front door wide open. I had to start laundry in case one of Jake's brother's was going to take it that afternoon. I got the strawberries done, but couldn't put them on the platter because the platter didn't fit in the fridge. Brad came over and wanted to shrink wrap the t.v.s and couch. I made him leave 1 t.v. for the kids (and my sanity). Got the girls from school and they were so so so sad. This then made me sad and heavy hearted. Got home and had little time to pack up 2 more boxes, clear a filing cabinet, take out 2 loads of trash, get the 2 little girls showered and myself showered and ready to go. Of coarse we were late. Then even more worse news..... Bob couldn't find ALL my recipes. He says they are gone. I had over 40 pages of recipes. Again a heavy heart. I asked Shelby to get Maddie buckled in. I didn't realize she hadn't done it until I was half way home. so in anger and frustration, I YELL at her. I get Brayden from his friend's house and can tell he is hurting. I break down and cry because my heart hurts so much for him. I just can't hold it in any longer. I wish I could take away his pain. I wish he didn't have to feel so sad. It make me so sad that he is sad. I get home and Brad shrink wrapped the last t.v. and now my kids have nothing to do for the rest of the evening. Brayden begins to cry because he is thinking about all the fun and memories he has with his friends. If only I could take away his sadness. To end the night a LARGE bottle of laundry detergent only used for 2 loads fell to the ground and spilled all but maybe 5 loads. I am ready to turn the towel in. I just want this to all be over. I am so sad to leave good neighbors. I am sad that my kids are sad. I am sad to not have a moment to myself to soak everything in, accept it and KNOW everything WILL be okay. I'm sad that I won't get a moment to myself until we are settled in to wherever we are going. All I need is an hour to myself.

Happy notes for today: Our neighbors on the end of the street brought us a chocolate ice cream cake and a card. Very sweet and unexpected. We now know Jake will have a job in either Utah, New York or Texas. We should know within 2 weeks. I just have to remember to have faith that things WILL get better. I'm tired, emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted. I'm going to curl up with my sweet baby girl and TRY to get some restless sleep. We shall see.

Long and Productive

Today seemed to go on and on and on. Not that that is a bad thing. I got the kitchen completely done, the laundry room completely done, boxes moved to Debbie and Maurice's, gift cards for the kids teachers and a shower. The kids were decent for the most part and the house doesn't seem to be as messy as it used to be. Short and sweet but I'm tired and have an extremely long next couple of days. I pray that I don't "bite" at anyone the next two days. I pray for calamity, peace and patience.

WOW!!!

Found out today that Saturday is our absolute last day in our home we spent a little over 7 years in. ALL of my kids were so helpful. We were able to move ALL of the boxes from upstairs down. We filled several boxes with more stuff. Skylar cleaned the house while Brayden and I went to get more tape. She also made dinner and did an awesome job. There was no fighting whatsoever. All the kids even gave up sleep to continue to help me pack more boxes, do dishes and help carry my load. I love my babies so much. With the emotional, mental, and physical draining that has been going on with me this ENTIRE week, I am so happy my kids behaved as well as they did. They are awesome.
Although I have a hard time with the fact that Steve and Kelli have to take us in because we have no where else to go, I am so grateful and appreciative for their sacrifices and willingness to do so. I just hope they can put up with me for a month. I feel so lucky to have their whole family in my life. I love the entire family as if they were my own. My kids love all of them just as much. I couldn't ask for a better blessing in my life as the blessing Steve, Kelli and their kids are to my family.
Tomorrow I hope to have the entire house completely packed up. The garage on the other hand will be up to Matt.
Although things are really hard/difficult right now, I feel somewhat peaceful. I don't know if it is because of how tired I am or finally accepting that the door is closing and soon another one WILL open. I am looking forward to summer. I think it will be a summer to never forget. I know there will be lots of fun. I can't wait to see what is on the other side of the door. I'm ready.

Progress

Well, today I got both bathrooms packed, most food packed or separated for people, and 2/3s of the kitchen done as well. Jake is progressing with job opportunities, cottage fairs are done for the year and the kids behaved pretty dang good today. The house isn't a mess and I have a beautiful almost 2 1/2 year old little angel asleep next to my side. I love my babies. They are all so sweet and lovey. I love their kisses and I love yous. Now if only Jake could actually have a job and my house was completely packed....life would be better. I'm tired and ready to snuggle in with my baby. Hopefully tomorrow brings more progress.

Frustrated

I go out of my way for Skylar and let her get a few little things for her friend's birthday and the thanks I got was her tormenting Brayden the rest of the evening. Maddie has spent most of the day crying and Brilyn has spent most of the day making her cry. I just want this whole mess to be over. I want Jacob to have a job and for our family to be settled into a home and routine that doesn't call for all the extra stress and anxiety I feel on a daily basis. I am losing sleep, patience and sanity. I know the Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle. I think/feel I have reached beyond what he thinks I can handle. I'm ready to throw the towel in and call it quits. Someone else can take my place. Here's to a better tomorrow with much productivity.

Nothing like yesterday

I won't say today was down right horrible, but it was difficult. The three older kids fought all day. They just wouldn't stop beating on each other and then telling on each other. It was wearing on me. On the other hand we have good news too. My room is packed minus the bed, t.v. and dvd player. All that is left is my bathroom, the kitchen, laundry room and downstairs electronic entertainment. I won't be doing any of the electronic entertainment packing because I have no clue how to. Jacob has an interview with Robert Half on Tuesday The kids have their final cottage fair Tuesday as well. Progress is being made everywhere. We talked to not only Jacob on skype but also the Collins. It was quite entertaining. I need to get Maddie down for the night because I'm done listening to her whine and cry. She needs to go to sleep so she can be happy again. By the way.....the laundry is FINALLY caught up. Now I just need to keep it that way.

A relaxing day

Today was such a relaxing non-stressful day. Made my girls hair beautiful, dropped them off at Debbie's for the day (except Maddie) and took Brayden to his game. Although his team did not win their last game, Brayden got to play linebacker, something he has wanted to do since he started tackle football. He was so happy. It made me happy to see him so happy. Then he went with Zach and his family. All that was left was me and my baby Maddie. We went to Tonya's to drop off a jogging stroller and love on her sweet beautiful little angel, Lily. Maddie played with Graycie while Tonya and I had a long talk and continued to love on her baby. I went Back to Debbie's to be with my girls until Brayden's end of the season football party was over so I could get him from Tina and Ryan's. We weren't home until almost 10:00. A long wonderful low stress day. I felt as if a load was lifted for today. I accepted help willingly without feeling guilty or like I was using anyone. It was a good day. I love my children so much. It makes me feel a little sad that it takes a while away from them to make me realize how much I really do love each and every one of them individually and unconditionally. They are so sweet, loving, kind and considerate. I feel lucky to have been blessed with the sweet spirits I have been blessed with. I hope my children know how much they mean to me and how much I love them ALL.

With that said, today was good, refreshing and much needed.

Drained

Today has not been a bad day. Allergies and stress has brought me to exhaustion before 10 a.m. though. The generic Zyrtec doesn't seem to do anything but make me tired. Not knowing our last day in our home causes pain between my neck and shoulder resulting in headaches. It seems the only thing keeping me going is my two sweet little ones. Playing tic tac toe with Brilyn and loving Maddie is about the only thing that kept me from crawling back into bed and pretending today even happened. The girls were excellent today. The house was spotless when I got home from taking Brayden to the Ellis' for football practice. Kissing and loving on Zander made me happy for a while as well. Going to Fresh and Easy always makes me happy. I love that store. I really wish Jake could have a job........like a year ago. I just don't know how much I have left in me. I'm now off to bed because I am beyond exhausted.

In case you are confused

I know there are two post titles the same: "Sky angel's inspiration". This is because blogging is new to me. I didn't know where the first one went so I did another one to the best of what I could remember from the first. I didn't want to get rid of it though.

My day

Well, I didn't get ALL the laundry done, but I did get some done. I also packed up a couple more boxes and set out stuff for Goodwill. Skylar tested my patience and of coarse she won. One day I will figure out how to not let her get the best of me. Kids were finally in bed by 8:00, first time this week. No news about when we have to leave our home is good news. Hopefully we get to stay until the kids are done with school. I also wish getting a job didn't have to be such a long process. Hopefully the day is sooner than later that Jake will have a job and we will have a home again. Until tomorrow.........

My Sky angel's inspiration

Sky has finaly convinced me to keep a family journal that anyone in the family can post to. This blog will be used by any family member that would like to post. Whether it be good, bad, sad, exciting, or whatever the person feels they would like to post. I will use this blog to post daily happenings (to the best of my ability). When time permits there are other things from the past that I should address for memory sake. Basically things from before marriage, during marriage, before kids, with kids, happy memories, sad memories, things I have learned, wish I could understand, ect. Although I should have been keeping a journal since I was a kid, I haven't. I have a lot of catching up to do, alot of things already forgotten and things I don't want to forget or my kids to forget. Hopefully soon, things will calm down, stress won't be on such high alert and I will have more free time to journal what needs to be journaled and remembered.

There is no better day than today to begin. Things are quite hecktic around here. I've got loads of laundry that need to be folded, plus today is laundry day. I HATE LAUNDRY!!!!!! I have three baskets full of laundry to put away, one load in the dryer, a load in the washer and another load that needs to go into the washer. I thought today would be a good day to try and catch up. I got a call from the school nurse saying Shelby was in for the second time. She needed to be picked up and taken to the doctor to get checked for strep. So much for catching up on laundry. I took her in and of coarse the test came back positive. I tried to do as much laundry as possible. I now have two laundry baskets full of laundry, one load in the dryer and another load that needs to go into the washer. Maybe tomorrow it'll be done.

On a happy note, my kids have been wonderful today. No fighting, arguing, back talking. Just "yes mom" and doing what they need to. The weather was BEAUTIFUL. Cloudy, cool and down right wonderful. I have my front and back door open enjoying the cool breeze. I know it may not be here tomorrow, so I will thank the Lord for giving us one more day of beautiful weather before it REALLY heats up.

Now I will just enjoy watching a movie with my girls until my liitle man gets home form football practice. Today is the first day in a little while that I have felt good/happy. Let's just hope there are more days like to day.

My Sky angel's inspiration

Sky has finally convinced me to keep a blog. We'll see how this works out. There will be personal posts, funny posts, inspritational posts, post by my children, and what ever one can post about. I don't really plan on telling people I have a blog, so if you happen upon this blog by accident, welcome.

If I post every day, it will be more of a journal that may be quite boring to most anyway. At least my children will be able to look back and say, "She was 34 1/2 before she ever decided to keep a journal? Better late than never I guess."

So on to journaling today: I feel I will NEVER catch up on laundry. I tried really hard today and thought I was going to make it until.........I got a call from the school nurse saying I needed to come and get Shelby to take her to the doctor to get her tested for strep. Of coarse she had it. There went my day to try and catch up on laundry. Maybe tomorrow.

On a happy note, today was BEAUTIFUL. It was cloudy, and the weather was so nice. My kids have been pretty nice to each other and to me.......surprisingly.

When I have time I will journal about our journey through this last year. Hopefully my children will look back and not remember it the way I did.